Sometimes things fall apart. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you intended them to. That’s where I am right now. I’m in an in-between state in life. My family is separated right now. We have been for a few months.
In the beginning, I struggled so very much. I didn’t have the desire to share that pain while I was in the middle of it. But, as time moves on, my experience of the situation has changed.
In the beginning, every day felt like a battle. A battle against sadness, frustration, fear, anger, and depression. There’s a battle for my time, my attention, my money, my faith, my trust. There’s always a decision to be made even when I know I’m out of bandwidth and probably should not make any decisions.
Even so, I made it through because there was prayer, Bible verses for encouragement, and slow healing. There was evidence of God with me in every moment of every day. Even as I felt pain in my heart, I reached out and said, “God, my heart hurts.” And then it was better.
Reading this I realized Elijah went through hunger, thirst, fear, and hiding. He went through the storms and knew God’s thunder before he heard the whispers from God while he was on the mountain. There was movement after movement until there was stillness. Earthquakes, thunder and storms, and fire.
The fire is often spoken of as a refining process. What if that’s what God was doing – refining Elijah, reminding him that sometimes serving God burns, sometimes life burns? Elijah just waited. He was still before the Lord.
There’s something about being still in the presence of God that changes us. Think of Mary at the feet of Jesus. Think about Jesus going to the Garden in prayer. Think of the Israelites going to war and their instructions to be quiet (at the wall of Jericho) and to be still (ex14). Think of Moses being still with his friends holding the staff.
When we are still somehow we know God. Somehow we hear the whisper of God. Somehow when we are still God takes the battle and wins it.
We fight these battles every single day. The Lord says we only need to be still. Stop striving to win and just be still in his presence.
Be still and he will mend the broken heart. Be still and he will remind you of your beauty, your worthiness, and how loved you are.
Be still and he will fight against the demons that want to take over your mind.
Be still and he will relieve your anxiety.
Be still and he will come to sit beside you and remind you that he has already saved you.
Be Still and he will show you he’s with you.
Ask him to show you his love and his presence, then pay attention. He will show that he is there. When you seek him with all your heart, you will find him.
During this time, I was encouraged to ask God to show me his presence with me. When I did, I was always rewarded with some small thing that showed me he was there. A butterfly floating nearby, a Bible verse planted in my path, a person to offer encouragement to my broken heart. It was always something that I could only see when I slowed down, focused on God, and waited for a whisper to address my pain.
Because of these small whispers, I see this separation as a spring season for our family. We have moved from a winter where everything seems bleak to a season where we’re growing and healing in ways we didn’t know were possible. From this experience, I have hope that we’ll move to summer where there is freedom and sunshine to warm us up. Eventually, we’ll reach fall ( my favorite season) where God will show us off in a beautiful display of color, healing.
My hope in writing this is that you too will experience God in the stillness. Ask for him to show you. Seek him and he will be found. Be still and wait for him.
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Life, Love, & Recovery 
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